he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
