When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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