I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
