I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
