You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
