i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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