Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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