so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
