it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
if only i could text you this smell
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
