booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
