I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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