My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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