he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
