Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
