Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
