Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize