I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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