if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
