i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
