He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
