NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
