Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
