Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
