If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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