She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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