nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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