**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
