dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
