I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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