paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Is Oprah even human
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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