so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
