Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
