i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
she peed on how many people?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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