whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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