Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
