So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
