are you still at the devil's house?
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
