So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
