If that was your dad, he is hot
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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