i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
