Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
