You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize