I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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