I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i just wanna soil my oats bro
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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