i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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