so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
