Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
