you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
