A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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