Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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