I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
