so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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