Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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