just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
