All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
