No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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