U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
