The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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