Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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