his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
