did you get engaged???
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
