I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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