The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
