I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
