why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Send help, water and tortillas.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize