we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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