boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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